Saturday, May 02, 2009

Wolverine & the Downhill Rush

Superhero movies are going downhill this year. I guess the buck might stop at X-men Origins: Wolverine.

(Warning: As per to every other movie reviews I actually attempt to write, this review riddled with Spoilers)

The closest Live-Action Comic book Wolverine you can get is X2. Nowhere else. That Wolverine isn't inside this brand new Wolverine movie.

Hugh Jackman doesn't want his kids to cry. Being the nicest Heterosexual guy, he extend that goodwill to all the other mummies (and Cinema-goers) who might be bringing their kids to this movie. Unless Male Nudity makes children cry that is. Which is why Wolverine is Stylo-Milo without the Edge (and clothes). Wolverine is a movie without Fangs. (Critics however do, biting deep into this Movie and Fanboys are already tearing the movies to bits).

The opening act is fair enough warning that the Fanboys should check their comic-lore knowledge at the door, as it reveals that Young Wolverine (James) & Victor Creek are brothers. (According to Wolverine Origins, James Howlett Jr and Dog Logan are brothers. They didn't say if Dog Logan is Sabretooth).

So the brothers went on, with Victor (do note that they never refer Victor as Sabretooth. Maybe it's not to confuse people with the one in the Trilogy) and Logan (effectively discarding his birthname and using his actual father's surname) fought through major wars. Eventually Victor's feral behavior went out of control during a tour at the Nam and Stryker recruited the brothers to his Elite Black Ops of mutants.

It's Action Showcase as Stryker's Black Ops of Mutants burst into a Diamond Cartel in Nigeria. While some mutant powers were obvious (such as Wraith's teleportation, Bolt's control of Electric/Electronic Devices), others were more...."Normal" Movie Action powers (Agent Zero's L33T shooting, Wade's Katana Dance and Fred's extraordinary strenght and toughness). It kind of well handled if it wasn't like a mix-mash of action sequences without much said, restraint (if without a better word).

So Logan left after the Black Ops failed to extract information from a village regarding a Black Meteorite Fragment recovered from the Cartel (which is actually Adamantium! Of course anyone can guess that). If Logan lives in Singapore, he already outlived his retirement pension and CPF would have to tailor a special scheme for him. However, Logan is Canadian and so instead of working in McDonalds and Kopi-Thiam, Logan is retiree who works as a Lumber Jack (TYPICAL) and lives in the Mountains with his School Teacher Wife, Silverfox. If we didn't know already, Strkyer came to Logan to warn a mysterious killer who are hunting members of his disband team. (I find it disturbing. If they want to make the movie straight forward, why not just let Logan know it's Victor? Irregardless, it was obvious some kind of setup is being made). They probably want to make it Bourne-like but it's not working as Silverfox demonstration of her powers did not make us wonder what's ahead. Nice touch on the origin of Wolverine's name however disturbing it might be to be telling a sad folklore as a prelude to sexual foreplay. Note that there's no sex in the movie, further making Wolverine look like a sad and pacifist retiree trapped in the body of Hugh Jackman (who is tragically now, the posterboy for Wild and Furious). It kind of remind me of how some real people are murdered by crazies, having Silverfox to be "murdered" by Victor in the afternoon while Logan is away at work. It seems great but it isn't really working in a dramatic sense of way (A better option is to take cue on how Sabretooth "murdered" Silverfox from the comic).

Like a sports movie story, Logan gets beaten by Victor who broke both his spirit and body. Stryker promptly appears to give Logan a way to beat Victor: Infusing Adamantium into his body. By this part of the movie, you would have guess that they aren't making Wolverine to be the next Spiderman, Ironman or the even next X-men. They are going for the Ghost Rider, Blade treatment in terms of plot.

Stryker seems to be the smartest Dumbass in this movie. He couldn't just keep his plans secret. That or apparently Wolverine (Logan likes that story Silverfox told him, now named thus in memory of her on his dogtag) now has hyper-senses and other super exaggerations of his former powers, fled the Weapon X labs within minutes in full naked glory.

Alpha Flight? Hell no. Mr Hudson and his Mrs are now Old folks like Ma & Pa Kents. It's a Breakfast and Bed affair for Wolverine as the old folks are put to ground by Zero. Now that's sounds like an opening for Alpha Flight's Guardian/Vindicator as the murder is push to blame to Wolverine. Great. If only they want to make Wolverine 2.

In a somewhat usual car chase and in Die Hard 2 style, launched to air sequence, Wolverine defeated and "killed off" Zero (if it's off screen, it ain't confirm) and went in search of other still alive members of the Black Ops team who might help him find the "island".

There's the only comedy in the movie which occurs as Wolverine goes fisticuff with Fred (now The Blob, no thanks to Wolverine's habit of addressing other males as Bob). They should have done a better job in designing The Blob. This movie felt like Art of Fighting. What's this, stage to stage fighting all about? Does it matters? I don't know.

Hence the stage moves to New Orleans, as the next clue is with Gambit, who fled from the Island that imprisoned mutants fo experiments. Wolverine gets his Round Two with Victor and won, thanks to his new found enhancements. Before Wolverine can perform his fatality (Finish him!), Gambit cuts in (for unknown by obvious reasons, but likely REFEREE decision as Fatality cannot be performed with only 1 round won) and Victor escaped.

In similar fashion, Wolverine advance to the next stage and found out that he was suppose to be in a Bourne-like conspiracy web that was clumsily executed (Much like....Art of Fighting?). Wolverine won the decisive Round Three but performed MERCY on Victor ( and by Anime/Manga standards, Love Lost became Love Gained). Stryker somehow like that Villian from the DOA movie, uses his secret experiment to battle Wolverine when Wolverine awkwardly released the imprisoned mutants (Hey Wolverine, ever heard of a master switch?) . Since the movie sets in the 60s or 70s, Strkyer can't use his Hori/X-box 360/PS3 controller of choice to battle Wolverine in true Tournament fashion, and had to rely on Weapon XI (or Deadpool....who is the Ultimate Patchup Warrior of all the Mutants combined in Wade's body) to fight with just keyboard commands (GEEK!). By the way, Weapon XI is like exactly like Baraka from Mortal Kombat with his mouth sew.

The lethal combinations of all Warriors movesets (see Seth from SF IV) prove to be nothing in the face of Brotherly Love. Like all cheesy Nemesis-Alliance from Anime, Video games, Victor left with a statement of declared Hate-Love (LOL).

The finale came in, with Wolverine carrying Silverfox into the sunset in search for First Aid. If they cut about the discussion of Stryker with his Finale Failsafe, it might come as a shock. Rather it was expected and in fair comedy like element, a gun props out and shot Wolverine. Wolverine, can't be killed as explained before, the bullets can only erased his memories (which is shitty, you can always keep the Mind Swipe for another movie). Since you can't kill Stryker and you can't leave the villian unpunished, Silverfox ordered Stryker to "walk his legs off" as he attempted to finish her off. With Wolverine woke up with no memories at all, the movie ends with Wolverine and Gambit parting ways to avoid police/military arrest.

(Ok I obmited kind a bit of the side track stuff but that's exactly what is the movie is like. A one-track story with some sides thrown-in.)

In fact, if they ever need to make a KOF Origins: Kyo Kusanagi movie, you can just rework this script. It works! Really!

There are Multiple "Post Main Credits" endings to this movie probably as a marketing gimmick :
1) Stryker was found by MP and arrested for the murder of the General that was supporting him. (This is the one I saw)
2) Wolverine in Japan, drinking in a Bar. (Hyping for the next movie!)
3) Weapon XI retracts Katana and picked up his own head and does a 4th Wall interacting. (Looking at the audiences and asking to the audiences to keep silence). This ending will debunk that rumour of Weapon XI is not the movie Deadpool. If you want to see the Deadpool ending, it's on Youtube with audible audience commentaries.

Wiki used to have description of the scenes in the movie entries but are deleted. There might be more endings still stay tuned.

First impression of the movie was the lineup of characters. With 3 mutants of significant fanbase, I am sure that the other 2 will be marginalized in favor of Wolverine but with the likelihood to steal his thunder. All that was proven, even when there was awkwardness in execution. The entire mutant escape almost irrelevant if not for Silverfox having her sister there and being mortally wounded later on. Cyclops is only there for ability donor. Deadpool and Gambit are there only to try spawn more Origins movie. The only serious agenda is probably to make Monster Hit that scores. It's the sales that counts after all.

It's a great transitional piece (meaning....it wasn't that terrible to watch) to welcome the summer blockbuster season. Hopefully things get better from here.

Accordingly to most people the trailer is the best part of the movie which I cannot deny.